What started as frustration over blogging became a lesson about creation, surrender, and why God kept leading me back to God’s Blueprint for Creation in Genesis 1.
Dear Gee and Em,
Hey kiddos! Are you here because you’re trying to create something and you’re stuck?
Ha! Good news! Mama was here first hahaha.
Bear with me because I’m sharing with you what God taught me in this season.
For so long, I asked God to let me write.
But as James 4:3 says — and I only realize this now as I write — I was asking with the wrong motives. I wanted it for myself.
I wanted to write for money, for praise, maybe even for fame if things worked out. I wanted to write because it made me feel good.
But I did not want to write for Him… maybe because I had not truly pursued Him yet, and I did not know what I know now.
And then life happened.
I needed income, so I had to work, and writing was pushed to the sidelines.
Life happened… and I got to know Him better.
And now I thank God He did not allow me to get my way back then. Honestly, I think I would be embarrassed if you guys ever found the things I used to write. They were worldly, immature, and honestly, a bunch of nonsense. There was no wisdom in those imaginary worlds — nothing I think anyone could truly carry into real life.
But now look.
God started removing the mountains in front of me. He gave me the tools I needed and even told me to start a blog.
There was just one problem:
I did not know how to begin.
Every blueprint — blogs, videos, tutorials — only overwhelmed me more.
And if I tried to look at myself from another person’s perspective, I could not understand why I was struggling so much to start.
I love writing.
I’m computer-savvy. I’ve worked with computers my whole life. I understand systems, software, troubleshooting, marketing, social media — honestly, I’m probably more technical than many bloggers were when they first started.
So why couldn’t I just sit down, put my hands on the keyboard and mouse, and begin?
Why did I feel so paralyzed?
And I realized there was resistance.
Not just from the enemy trying to distract or discourage me.
But from me too.
I had to argue with myself.
I had the tools, the gadgets, the skills, and God had even given me the very thing I used to complain to Him about:
Time.
And there I was — still not starting the very thing I had wanted to do fifteen years ago.
I was delaying.
And every time I tried to prepare myself by gathering more “how-to’s,” my whole system would glitch, as if something in me rejected all the methods, tips, and strategies I kept consuming.
So eventually, I had to ask God directly.
And the conversation went something like this:
Me: What do You want me to do?
God: I want you to create. I want you to write.
There was actually more back-and-forth than this, but I’ll keep only the important parts for now.
Me: But why can’t I seem to do it?
God: Because you’re relying on your own understanding.
Me: Whaaaat? I am NOT.
God: (Shrugs with a grin) You are.
Me: Explain that to me.
God: You think you can do this through your own skills and the knowledge you gathered from other people.
Me: But those things are useful!
God: They are. But I’m asking you to create something new — something only you can make.
Me: So how should I do it?
God: (Laughing) Now you’re asking the right Person.
Me: I HAVE been asking You! Haven’t You heard my prayers?
God: I did. But then you went to Pinterest and ChatGPT afterward. You didn’t wait for My answer.
Me: I was doing my DUE DILIGENCE.
God: That’s exactly why I’m telling you that you’re relying on your own understanding. Solomon would roll his eyes at you. (Laughs again)
Me: Okay. (Pouting) Then how? How should I do this?
God: First, stop thinking about money.
Me: That’s hard… (God gives me the side-eye) But I’ll try.
God: Good. Now let’s do this My way. How did I create?
Me: You’re answering me with a question again.
God: (Laughing) This is where you use your DUE DILIGENCE.
Me: You’re laughing at me.
God: I am. (Still chuckling) So… how did I create?
Me: You created from nothing. You spoke, and it was. You commanded. You formed man with Your own hands in Your own image. You delegated, and then You rested.
God: And how do you know that’s what I did?
Me: Genesis 1… duh?
God: Then go to Genesis 1 and dive deep.
Me: Huh?
God: There’s a lot of water there to dive into.
Me: Pun intended?
God: (Laughs again) My way, right?
Me: Right. Your way, Abba.
I know you only started on your swimming lessons but I’m telling you to put your diving gear on, guys, because this is where we dive deep.
Disclaimer: Please pray and read Scripture for yourself. What I’m sharing here is based on my own experiences, conversations with God, and what I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me through His Word. This is not meant to replace Scripture, but to point back to it.